Monthly Archives: October 2013

My 1.5 Weeks of Sobriety

I have not had a drink in a week and a half, and I actually feel like I have enough authority to speak in front of a large group of teens who are struggling with addiction. But since there are apparently people more qualified to do this, here is the gist speech I would give to those teens if given the opportunity.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not quitting drinking (I’m not a fucking idiot). I had the sniffles and cough coughs so I went I antibiotics for a few days, and after being drunk for about three months straight I decided it was a good time for a little break.

If you’re struggling with addiction, I just want you to know that it’s possible to stop for a week and a half. The first few days are tough, but you can do it. Drink La Croix, if you can’t feel drunk, at least you can feel rich. My roommate (who is two weeks into his temporary sobriety, the man is a fool and a showoff) and I showed up to a party last Saturday completely sober. We brought a bag full of seltzer waters. Were we judged? No. But could we have been judged? I mean probably not, everyone there was pretty nice and I mean we’re all adults whatever someone else does is their business. We stayed for an hour, and then I had a massive coughing attack and had to leave.

When I have my first drink tomorrow night (there’s no way in fuck I’m going two weeks without whiskey), I’ll be thinking about all I’ve learned from not drinking.

What I’ve learned during my heroic 1.5 week stint with sobriety:

1) The day is really long. Not in a bad way, but in a really really fucking boring way.

2) It is possible to drive at night. I never drink and drive, therefore I almost never drive at night. Now I know that driving at night is not much different from driving during the day, it’s just darker because the sun has gone down (but don’t worry, the sun will come up tomorrow).

3) Waking up before 9AM actually isn’t that bad if you don’t have a headache that’s so bad you literally beg a god you don’t believe in for death before digging into a bowl of cheerios.
4) I am not as funny sober as I am drunk. No one is. Drunk people are funnier because they literally don’t have have access to logic or control of themselves. This means you’re either sillier and more creative due to your lack of restraint, or you are so impossibly sad it’s hysterical.I’m not asking to be a hero, or a role model. But sometimes things just work out that way. I hope my story inspires you too to be a better person.**-Blake




**Editor’s Note: since the publishing of this post, Blake has started to drink again, and he’s the happiest and most productive he’s ever been in a week and a half.